


Hearts Mighty, Skins Whole

by des_nuages_de_paris



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But I promise it's okay in the end, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Procedures, My beta readers cried during this, Secret Relationship, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25542334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/des_nuages_de_paris/pseuds/des_nuages_de_paris
Summary: Once he was naked he walked to the fresher and stretched his arms. A small groan escaped his mouth. His muscles were displeased with him. But his mind was more displeased with the world. One soreness outweighed the other.Padawan after padawan. Every single one. Turned twenty-one, got their mark inspected and recorded, and then were sent on their way. But he wasn’t a padawan. No, he had moved quickly. Maybe too quickly. He had a padawan. It might have been easier facing all of this without another person to care for.
Relationships: CC-5052 | Bly/Aayla Secura, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 22
Kudos: 493





	Hearts Mighty, Skins Whole

**Author's Note:**

> This is not set in a specific time in the Clone Wars, nor is this timeline accurate to anything really. Why? Because it's my soulmate au and if I want to mix and match Star Wars stuff, I will!
> 
> TW for medical things towards the end, if that's an issue for anyone.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Heart Mighty, Skins Whole**

The afternoon before Anakin’s twenty-first birthday, he sat on the edge of his bed and stared into the carpet for answers. The air in his room was unusually hot - or perhaps that was his anxiety. After a long moment, he let out a sigh and pushed back his hair. He stood up and started to strip down. It would be his last time taking a shower as an unmarked man. 

Would his skin feel any different? Would it hurt? He took extra care to examine his skin as his clothes fell to the floor. His dusty tone seemed to look more gold in the late day Coruscant light. He looked down at his stomach and poked around at the softness of his tummy. It would be a bit annoying to have it somewhere prone to fluctuating size. But he could manage.

The first time he heard the word ‘soulmate’, it was someone in Watto’s shop making fun of the fact that Anakin would never get one because of his mom. It was cruel to laugh at a child. But it was even crueler to laugh at the child for being markless. Anakin didn’t understand the mocking at the time, but he knew that it left him with an anxiety that didn’t seem to calm for days. When he finally asked his mother about it, she started to cry and held him close for the rest of that evening.

Then he was picked up by the Jedi. That had changed his mother’s whole view. She was markless, as some people are. The clones were. It was life. It was natural. Maybe Anakin would truly be markless - maybe he would wake up tomorrow and nothing will have changed. But the words his mother said to him the day he left still rang in his ears: “You are so special, Ani. And there’s going to be someone just as special out there for you.”

Well, tomorrow he’ll see about that.

Once he was naked he walked to the fresher and stretched his arms. A small groan escaped his mouth. His muscles were displeased with him. But his mind was more displeased with the world. One soreness outweighed the other.

Padawan after padawan. Every single one. Turned twenty-one, got their mark inspected and recorded, and then were sent on their way. But he wasn’t a padawan. No, he had moved quickly. Maybe too quickly. He _had_ a padawan. It might have been easier facing all of this without another person to care for. 

He looked in the fresher mirror and scanned over his torso, scarred and lived in. Where would the mark go? It could - quite literally - go anywhere. He hoped it would be somewhere easy, classic. Like maybe the thigh. Or his arm. Some unlucky people had their marks on their face. He didn’t want that. His moles and freckles were enough of a hassle as it was.

How big would his mark be? He met someone with their entire back marked. Would it cover his whole leg? An entire arm? 

As these thoughts continued to swarm, one came out crystal clear as Anakin stepped into the hot water of the fresher.

_What would Obi-wan think?_

Anakin had seen Obi-wan’s mark. Every padawan saw their master’s after a while. It was inevitable. Under a wrap that he wore on his left forearm sat a sharp star. It had four points, like refracted light through the window of a ship. It was simple. Black outline. Decently small. Easy to replicate. All the designs were, apparently. Not that he would know.

Jedi were required to cover theirs at all times. It was to prevent temptation.

But their marks were public record. You could search anyone’s in the Temple database any time you wanted. It wasn’t encouraged but it was allowed. Mainly this was to prevent two Jedi who happened to have matching marks from engaging. It was rare, luckily, but if two Jedi had the same marks then it was publicly announced and the two were forced apart. No temptations. No attachments. No risk. 

“Why no attachments?” Anakin remembered asking when he was young.

“Because if you are on the field, Anakin,” Obi-wan had said, “and you have a choice between doing the right thing for yourself and the right thing for the galaxy, you need to choose the galaxy. The greater good. Always.”

Anakin had broken that rule in more than one way. And he was well aware.

When he was freshly nineteen, getting closer and closer to his mark, he ended up taking on Ahsoka. It was invigorating to focus on anything but his constant anxieties. He wanted to talk to Obi-wan, to release his fears and just try to make it day by day. But teaching Ahsoka became therapeutic.

Obi-wan helped him. Often. But especially when Ahsoka’s questions about marks came around. Obi-wan showed her his arm, and they had wonderful long philosophical talks. Anakin zoned out, instead of focusing on those. He instead focused on the tiny little bug that was crawling on the couch with him. 

But that was the first time he _truly_ knew his transgressions, and that they could come from nowhere. Ahsoka was an attachment. In less than a year, she became his best friend. Now, she was his lifeline. He imagined this is what his mom must have felt about him. He would never let her fall.

Then, of course, there was Padme. ‘Dating’ was too juvenile. ‘Partners’ was too mature. It felt more like limbo than a relationship. Padme was a firm believer in the marks. No amount of kissing or secret meetings could convince her otherwise. So nothing was done, would be done, or could be done until Anakin finally got his. She was counting down to his twenty-first birthday for years.

“It’ll be mine.” Padme was convinced it to be so. She had been adamant about it since he was only seventeen. Even more so now that the date of his birthday was approaching. She would run her fingers through his hair and muse, commenting on where her little purple butterfly would look best on his sun-baked skin. Her’s rested on her right collarbone.

That was an attachment. But it was one that was fading with his teenage hormones. It wasn’t the same as the unconditional familial love for Ahsoka. It didn’t feel eternal. It felt like it was disappearing, no matter how many times he snuck away to meet with her.

He couldn’t exactly place why his excitement couldn’t match hers. He didn’t understand why he felt so distracted. He tried to pin it all on his brain that never stopped running - but that was impossible to do when the glaring truth was sleeping across the hall from him every night.

His brain stopped running with Obi-wan.

Obi-wan was the purest definition of attachment.

Anakin leaned back and let the water run over his face. He just feels _too much_ \- that was the conclusion he came to. He feels too much and too strongly and things seem to get stuck in his mind and run on a loop until another thing takes its place. But the one thing that ran in his brain no matter what, and it was Obi-wan.

He had fully convinced himself that he would get over all of these weird feelings by now. They started at the end of his padawan training and they still haven’t phased away. They should have. Right? There was the old stigma that ‘every padawan falls in love with their master’. And that had to be false. Anakin felt so stupid that he fell into that.

He shook his head and sprayed water around. No, he didn’t fall into that. He refused to fall into that. He wasn’t that much of a masochist.

Anakin finished up his wash and left the fresher in just a towel.

Just as he was getting dressed, there was a knock at his door. “What?” He called out as he slipped on his sleep tunic.

“Might I come in?” The familiar voice made a thick warmth roll up Anakin’s spine.

He nodded. “Of course.” He motioned and unlocked his door with two fingers and continued to get himself ready for bed.

When Obi-wan walked in, that one vein in his forehead that seemed to pulse whenever Anakin irritated him was already standing out. “You could have just walked over and unlocked it. Using the Force so liberally isn’t a good habit to be in.”

“But it was faster.”

“Yes, speed over quality seems to be your excuse every time.” Obi-wan hooked a thumb into his belt and made himself comfortable leaning against the wall.

“Can I ask why you’re here?” He said. “Or should I assume that Ahsoka is in trouble again?”

“No, no. She’s fine. She’s having a great time with some other padawans right now. They’re practicing their reflexes.”

“That’s just a fancy way to say ‘playing Force ball’.” Anakin smirked.

“Naturally.” Obi-wan raised his eyes to meet his mischievous gaze and smiled. “How are you?”

“I saw you earlier this morning, you know how I am.”

“Are you nervous?” It was a redundant question, because of course Anakin was nervous. And Obi-wan could feel it. He peeled himself off the wall and walked towards the other man. He placed a firm hand on Anakin’s shoulder and looked deep into his eyes. “It’s alright. Everyone turns twenty-one eventually. This is just a part of life.”

“Just a part of life.” He rolled his eyes. “This is a part of life that is a little too obnoxious. And I’m very excited to just get my mark and get over it. It’s not like anything is going to change anyway.”

Obi-wan shifted his weight and removed his hand. “And if things do change, you can come talk to me.”

Anakin waved him off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.”

He turned and sauntered over to look outside through the window. “You say you know but I can’t remember the last time you asked me for genuine advice.”

Anakin watched him. His blue eyes scanned the sharp outlines of Obi-wan’s face, body and clothes against the dying city lights. “I’m just happy they gave me the evening off. Time to sleep before I end up a changed man.”

“I promise you that I’m being honest when I say nothing changes.”

“And I promise that statements like those don’t calm me down.” He crossed his arms.

“Well, you must be a little calm.” Obi-wan turned around and gestured him up and down. “You’re already in pajamas.”

“I’m in pajamas to keep me sane.” Anakin chuckled.

“Is it working?”

“Somewhat.”

Obi-wan wandered back over to stand by his side. “I think that’s wonderful progress.”

“As compared to what?” 

He scoffed. “As compared to your usual lack of sanity.” After a moment of warm, fuzzy silence, Obi-wan put his hand on Anakin’s shoulder again. He squeezed. “Good luck. I’ll see you in the morning.” He let go and walked over to the door. After pausing, he turned around to say one last thing. “Happy early birthday, Anakin.”

That brought a small smile to his lips. “Thank you.” At the last minute, he took a deep breath. “Obi-wan?”

“Yes?”

“Can I see yours? Just...just to calm me down a bit.” 

Obi-wan looked down at his arm and then nodded. “Yes. Yes, of course.” He rolled up his sleeve and slowly loosened his wrap. When it finally slipped off, there was the star. 

Anakin felt the impulse to touch it. He felt the need to memorize it. Maybe just to distract from himself. “Do you like it?” He looked up and asked Obi-wan.

He chuckled. “Yes, yes. I have to. You have to. I would feel bad for the people who don’t like their marks.” He looked down at his own arm in a dreamy kind of way before wrapping it back up. “I’m sure you’ll like yours.”

“I hope.”

When he was done wrapping it up, Obi-wan let his sleeve fall and clasped his hands in front of himself. “Rest easy. You’ll be alright.”

He knew just what to say to make Anakin calm. And it worked. Anakin exhaled. “Good night.”

“Good night, Anakin.” Obi-wan smiled at him. There was an air of wistfulness around him. He looked like he wanted to say so much more but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So left.

Anakin wanted to say more too. But it was better if he didn’t.

* * *

There it was. On his leg, right on the side of his calf, above his ankle. It wasn't the placement he expected but it wasn’t unwelcome. At least he didn’t have to wear a glove or a wrap or a veil. Pants were enough.

But it was a little star. That was the issue. It was a star. Fractured light. Black. Right there, inset into his skin like it had been there his whole life. It was stark. Familiar. And large. A bit hard to hide.

It was exactly what he thought it was.

Anakin ran to throw up in the fresher.

He had woken up and instantly ripped off his shirt. He circled himself in the fresher mirror, only to find nothing. Then he ran back into his bedroom and dropped his pants, leaving just his boxers and exposing all his flesh. His thighs were clean, but then his eyes trained downwards. He saw the mark but didn’t process its shape. He just saw it, and for a moment the only thing that mattered was that he got one.

He wasn’t markless. His mother was right.

But then the shape processed in his mind. And all joy was lost.

When he was done spitting up his guts, he sat with his back flat against the wall and stared up at the white metal ceiling. He needed a plan. Maybe less of a plan, and more of an idea. He needed a _good_ idea. And quick.

It was like a million things crashed down at once. The knowledge he had a soulmate came first. He wasn’t alone in the universe. He wasn’t markless. He was a man with a soulmate.

Secondly, he was a man with a soulmate and he was lucky enough to know that soulmate. To be on the same planet, let alone _know_ your soulmate at the time of your mark, was a gift. It was rare. It was a momentous occasion. 

Last and third, he was a man with a soulmate who knew his soulmate but could never let anyone know about it.

He could see it now, as clear as transparisteel. The council discussing it, the council interviewing both of them to see if any _transgressions_ had been committed. Anakin’s room being moved. Obi-wan getting assigned a position on a remote planet with a new fleet. Them not even getting the chance to say goodbye.

Anakin pushed himself onto his feet, shaking as he walked over to splash his face with cool water. When it hit his skin, he gasped. Icy droplets dripped from his razorblade cheekbones and he looked up in the mirror. He barely recognized himself - his eyes were wide and wild. 

The one thing worse than grief in this world is the anticipation of the loss. The counting down of the seconds. The knowledge that what stands before you today will no longer walk with you tomorrow. And there was a sharp pain in Anakin’s chest that emphasized the coming wave.

The mirror in front of him cracked. Anakin jumped back, flinching at the sound. Then he deflated. Dammit. He pitched the bridge of his nose. How would he explain this to maintenance? 

He stepped out of the fresher and looked around his room. He winced. He must have accidentally tossed everything out of his drawers while running to the fresher. That would be a nuisance to clean. All he could hear in his head was Obi-wan’s voice, admonishing him for his Force-based tantrums that he couldn’t control.

And then he could hear Obi-wan’s horrified voice in his head, telling him that Anakin’s mark had ruined his life.

He flopped down in his bed and brought his knees to his chest. “Think, you idiot.” He muttered to himself. In his half-rational mind, the first thing to come to mind was to just leave. Run away. Maybe even convince Obi-wan to run with him. Live a happy life, on the outer rim, together.

That would _never_ happen.

Whenever he tried to think of a happy outcome, a darker one replaced it. Obi-wan looking disgusted, leaving in a fit of rage. Complaining to the council. Demanding that he leave as soon as possible.

Obi-wan being happy and Obi-wan being angry at him both seemed outlandish and impossible.

But what would Obi-wan do in _his_ situation?

Obi-wan was a man with plans. A man of action. As composed as he was, he was light on his feet and unafraid to jump. So what would he do? He would research. Plan. But not for too long. He would jump at the first thing that would ensure the safety of those he loved.

So Anakin would do the same thing.

He dressed himself quickly, not wasting time on making himself look presentable. He only had one goal, and that was getting out of there. Getting out and figuring it out.

As soon as he slipped out of his room, he was greeted with a familiar face. Ahsoka was waiting for him outside his door.

“Happy birthday!” Ahsoka held out a small silver box in her hand, her smile wide. “I know I’m technically not supposed to get you anything, but it’s small enough to where I thought no one would get mad.” She finally looked him in the eye and her grin dropped. “Are you okay?”

Anakin assumed he looked like a complete nightmare. Cloak pulled tight, skin grey from panic, hair a mess. “I...I’m fine. Ahsoka, I need you to listen to me very closely.” He stepped forward and put a hand on each of her shoulders. “I’m fine. But I need to leave for a day or so.”

“What? Why?” Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Snips-”

“Don’t ‘Snips’ me.” She looked him over. “What’s going on?” She pulled out of his grasp.

He pleaded to her with his eyes. “Just trust me, okay? I would tell you if I was in danger. I would take you with me if I thought things were unsafe. You know that.”

She did. She bit her lip. “But what do I tell the council?”

“Anything.”

“What do I tell Master Kenobi?”

Hesitation. Too long. “Anything.” Anakin looked down at her hands. “Thank you, Snips. For the gift.”

“Can I see your mark when you get back?” Ahsoka asked. “As a trade?” She had a glint in her eyes. “I cover for you, I get to see your mark.” 

He rolled his eyes. For the first time since he woke up, he felt like oxygen was entering his system again. “Deal.” 

She put the silver box in his hands. “We can open this when you get back. You can’t open it until then. I want to see the look on your face.”

“Promise.” He tucked it into a pocket of his pants and scurried off.

As soon as he left the Temple and got comfortable feeling desperate and alone and isolated while looking for a way around, he was interrupted by the beeping of his comlink in her pocket. When he pulled it out, he nearly threw up again. He read the screen again. He winced. It was Obi-wan’s code. Of course. He took a deep breath and lifted the com to his lips. “...Hello?”

“Where _are_ you?” His voice boomed through the comlink.

Anakin squeezed his eyes shut and lifted it to his lips again. “I just need a moment. I’ll be back soon. Ahsoka is-”

“Ahsoka told me!” He cried again.

“It’s not against the code for me to leave the Temple!” He cried.

“It’s not against the code, no, but it’s not safe or smart. And as your friend and partner, I need to make sure you are doing what is best-”

“Obi-wan.” Anakin’s voice was small. The vulnerability shut Obi-wan up instantly. “I need time alone.”

A pause. “Is this about your mark, Anakin?” He said. His voice was gentle now. The voice he knew calms Anakin down instantly.

But it didn’t work this time. “I just need to process it.”

“I know the idea of having a soulmate is a heavy feeling.” Obi-wan said. “I know the feeling it can give you. I felt the same way - I felt exposed. I felt like there was something I was missing out on. It took me a while to come to terms with it too. I...I’ll cover for you. The best I can. But please hurry back.”

Anakin felt himself tearing up again. “Thank you.” He managed to say.

“If you need to talk to me, I’m here for you.”

Of course he would be.

Anakin ended up in a speeder - ‘borrowed’ for Temple business - and flew away as fast as he could.

* * *

A young Twi’lek woman opened the thick steel door, welcoming him quickly into her cluttered and dark shop. She locked the door behind them. Over her pink skin ran miles and miles of ink. Anakin couldn’t have found her soulmark among her tattoos even if he had all day - which was obviously the point. Even her four lekkus were covered in designs. They were beautiful.

If she was as famous as the man said, and her work on others was as good as the art on herself, Anakin was oddly excited to have this done. Tattoos weren’t something he ever thought was possible for him. He shook her hand and ensured that she could trust him, fully, lightsaber or not. She spoke in quiet Twi’leki, motioning her hands to signify the need for secrecy, the need for patience and the need for payment.

Kriff him to hell and back. The payment.

He called Obi-wan and flinched when he answered. “Anakin, are you alright?” His voice was panicked, but he was trying extremely hard to disguise it. He was failing.

“I’m fine. I just...I need you to transfer me some credit codes.”

“Of course!” Anakin could hear the shuffle of feet. “How much do you need?”

“...fifteen thousand credits.”

A pause. A sputter. “I beg your pardon?”

“Please. No questions. I just need fifteen thousand credits.”

“Anakin-” He stopped himself. A sharp inhale. “I need you to promise me that I will see you back here, safe, tomorrow. Alright?”

Anakin squeezed his eyes shut. His leg felt like a weight. “Alright.”

“I’ll transfer them in a moment.” Obi-wan’s voice was pained. “Just...What have you gotten yourself into?”

Even he couldn’t figure out how to answer that.

Not too long later and the mark artist had been paid and Anakin was showing her what he needed changed. In extremely broken Twi’leki, he gestured back one word. 

_Everything._

As Anakin lay on the table, he stared up at the ceiling. The twi’lek girl moved quickly and lightly. Her work was good - gentle enough with her needle to ensure a lack of scar tissue. It looked natural. The star went from being simple to being a full blaze, nearly unrecognizable. It was an explosion. And she filled it dark red for good measure.

He had found out about her on the streets of Coruscant, in the lower levels, in the underground. He had gone to a few bars, inquired if anyone knew of a mark removal process or someone who would just cut it out. But physical damage can’t harm a mark - no amount of cuts or scars could erase it. Instead, it had to be covered. Hidden. Dressed up.

She didn’t say a word to him during the process. She never asked questions. She just did her job, like she had probably done for hundreds of heartbroken saps like him. At the end of it, she covered it with a bacta patch and offered him spices for the throbbing pain that seemed to make his whole foot swell. He declined. 

By the time he was walking on Temple property again, the bacta patch had done it’s work. It was clean. Felt better. No swelling. It was safe.

Anakin was safe. Obi-wan was safe. _They_ were safe, together.

Not together. That was the point. But they were safe and could see each other.

Maybe one day, fifty years from now, Anakin would tell Obi-wan the truth. Maybe on one of their deathbeds. Or would that be worse? He couldn’t place it.

The idea of never seeing Obi-wan again affected him more than the knowledge that Obi-wan was his soulmate. In regards to Obi-wan being his one and true, it was less of a shocking realization and more of a sigh. A release. A moment of “Oh, of course”. It made sense. Because why wouldn’t it? Why wouldn’t it have been him?

This was the man that transferred him fifteen thousand credits without batting an eye. There are countless more acts of unconditional, insistent acts of kindness that Anakin could lament and chronicle. There were pages worth of gestures that could be written down. And Anakin was erasing the possibility of losing those gestures by getting this tattoo.

* * *

Obi-wan slipped off his robe and leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. “You gave us all quite the scare.”

“I gave _you_ a scare. I excited the council with the possibility of no one having to deal with me again.” Anakin pushed his hair back.

Obi-wan shook his head. “No, no…” He chuckled a bit. “The council didn’t know. I’m good at covering for you at this point.”

“What a blessing.”

After a moment of awkward silence, Obi-wan spoke up again. “I would have prepared you better if I know you would have had a reaction like that-”

Anakin held his hand up. “Stop it. Don’t do that.”

“I’m being serious.” He sighed.

He rolled his eyes. “You didn’t do anything. I was the one who ran off.”

“But I could have helped.”

“It’s whatever. Don’t turn it into a _thing._ ”

“Might I...might I see it?”

For some reason, Anakin wasn’t prepared for that question. “You want to see it?”

He nodded.

Anakin kicked off his boot and pulled up his pant leg and for just a moment he had a fear that the tattoo was all a dream. He was scared that he would look down and Obi-wan would already be leaving the room out of disgust. But no, it was there. Red and explosive. A repellant. He looked from his leg to Obi-wan and smiled tightly. “See? All normal.”

Obi-wan stared at his leg in an unreadable sort of way. His eyes were dark with thought. Finally, though, he exhaled. “Alright then. Why did you...why did you run then?”

“I always run.”

“Anakin.” His tone was a warning.

Anakin pulled down the leg of his pants. _Because I can’t even think about being apart from you without vomiting all over my bathroom floor._ “Because I got scared, I guess. There’s all this future I can’t have. I guess the crushing weight of my own existence made me have a panic attack.”

He nodded knowingly. “I understand.” He walked over and sat next to Anakin on the bed. “You know, I had a very similar reaction when mine appeared.”

“Really?”

His eyes pierced into Anakin’s as he turned. “You know...they would let you leave.”

It was like all the air was sucked out of the room.

“What?” Anakin could feel his stomach bubbling again. He didn’t want to throw up on Obi-wan’s carpet.

“If you wanted to go and pursue your soulmate instead of the Path, they would allow it.” Obi-wan’s eyes told a million stories that Anakin could never translate. “I considered it, for a moment. My old master used to tell me that my heart was too big for my own good. And when my mark appeared...It was harder for me to mind my oath. The idea of true love - universal love. It’s tempting, hmm?”

Anakin hesitated and then nodded. He turned away and blinked hard. “I...Are you happy you didn’t leave?”

Obi-wan placed a hand on Anakin’s knee, bringing him back to reality. “I am now. I feel like I would have missed out on something greater if I had left. And perhaps, who knows...maybe the marks are meaningless. And real love comes from effort. And time.” He removed his hand and stood. “Alright. We should be going. I’m sure Ahsoka misses training with you.”

* * *

“Finally.” Ahsoka bent down and inspected the mark as close as she could. “You know, I heard that your mark can be symbolism for the relationship you all would have. An explosion seems like a fitting choice for someone as numb-brained as Skyguy.” She teased. 

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just for that, we’re doing conditioning today.”

She looked like she had just faced the worst betrayal in her life. That made both Obi-wan and Anakin break out in laughter.

“I don’t doubt that Skywalker’s soulmate would require an extremely high threshold for his disastrous habits.” Obi-wan smirked. “An explosion seems like a surprisingly good description for the horrors I’m sure you and your other half would get into.”

“And I’m sure your soulmate is just as simple and boring as your little star.” Anakin nudged him.

“I prefer a star over an explosion!” Ahsoka said. “At this point, I just hope mine looks cool. And maybe with colors that compliment my tails.”

Obi-wan ended up leaving on ‘important business’, or something of the like. Anakin was too focused on Ahsoka kicking the kriff out of him during that day’s sparring. And he was endlessly proud. His heart was so full.

After training, Ahsoka and him had a ritual. They would sit on the sparring mat, next to each other, and just talk. Unwind. Refresh. Moments like these were when he felt like he could really learn about his padawan. This is where he learned the most about her home planet, her favorite foods, her dreams, her goals, her friends, her _life._

“Do you still have the present I got you?” She asked.

He nodded and pulled it out of his pocket, where it never left. Not even when he was down in the Coruscant underground.

“Are you going to open it?” Ahsoka asked.

“If you’ll allow it.” Anakin waited until she nodded before taking the lid off and reaching inside to pull out a long, silver cord with the occasional blue beads. It was beautiful, reflective as ice and thin as a hair. At each end of the cord was a thin green clasp. It looked extremely expensive. Too expensive for a padawan to be able to find and afford. His skepticism must have been glowing on his face, because Ahsoka started to laugh. 

“It’s a Togruta tradition.” She scooted closer, right next to him. “When someone gets their mark, they get something to spice it up a little as a gift from their family. I know we would totally get put on toilet duties for weeks if the council saw this, but I had to.” 

“So it’s jewelry?”

“Kind of. It’s special. Magnetic. So it can be adjusted to fit whatever part of the body has the mark. So, for example.” Ahsoka reached out and pulled one side of the clasps to shrink the metal strand. “An anklet.” She finished wrapping it around itself.

Anakin felt warmth swell in his heart. And then a pit in his stomach that all of this was to honor his lie. “Thank you, Snips. I really like it.” He glanced around real fast before slipping off his boot and putting it around his ankle. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“You know, I was real scared when you ran off.” Ahsoka slumped a bit and exposed that rare and small part of her that was only reserved for dear friends. “I knew you would be fine. But you just seemed so…”

“Out of it.” They said simultaneously.

Anakin nodded. “Yeah...I am genuinely sorry. About the scare.”

She shrugged. “I mean, hey. You came back in one piece. That’s all we can ask for.”

* * *

The med deck droids photographed and recorded his mark that evening before bed. It was official. He was safe. And for all of eternity, the Jedi would remember his mark as a fiery red display of passion. Not as a faint and peaceful star.

Explosions are temporary. There for a moment and then gone. And destruction is left in its wake. Explosions don’t last but the damage does. The fallout can take years to wipe away. Stars, on the other hand, are reliable. They last for centuries. Millennium. They are steady. Beautiful. Idolized. People adore stars, but fear explosions.

But in the end, stars die in an explosion. Just like everything.

Stars aren’t exempt from destruction. 

No one is above an end.

Telling Padme was the nightmare he expected it to be. She cried. And she was too much of a believer to continue a relationship with someone who wasn’t marked with her. She dismissed Anakin so quickly that it ended up hurting more than he expected. She said she needed time before they could be friends again. But ‘time’ could mean anything. So Anakin crossed off a name in his head of someone he could escape to. 

There went one of his attachments.

It felt more like a release than a heartbreak. It felt a little positive, even though he cried when his head met his pillow that evening. Maybe it was because he knew he would have to lose _something -_ and if it was a teenage flirtationship in exchange for Obi-wan, he would give it up again and again and again.

Because this one was inevitable. Wasn’t it? Mark change or not. He wasn’t hers. He never was. 

The next few days went the same as any other day would. Weeks passed with ease. Weeks turn into months. And months turn into one and a half strong years where not a soul questions or knows anything. And it was beautiful. The freedom and release of being able to forget.

That was the best part about being a Jedi - marks weren’t topics of normal conversation.

But that also left too much room for questions - lots of room for empty threats yelled at yourself in a mirror. Nights staring out of ship windows. Mornings counting how many food capsules are left in your belt, even though you haven’t used one, just because you are bored and you need numbers to keep your mind safe. Afternoons asleep between missions, just to avoid being awake.

But between the bouts of heavy, unending unease left moments of raw joy. In those moments, Anakin lived in a markless world. A world where nothing had changed. A world before heartbreak, a world where choice was still something within his grasp. It was an existence of floating and he loved it.

And those positive moments outweighed the bad - but the bad were louder.

But nothing was louder than Obi-wan.

Over that one and half year long period, it was a constant battle in Anakin’s mind. Obi-wan’s unwavering kindness. His strong support. His bright eyes and handsome soul. Some moments, it felt normal again. Joking and poking and bothering each other. Other moments, Anakin was hyperaware that this man was supposed to be the man he married and it ruined his entire day.

The Jedi pushed for no attachments - but they weren’t heartless. This _felt_ heartless. Maybe it was all heartless - the idea of soulmates seemed so. What he did to Padme was heartless, from a certain point of view. But Obi-wan wasn’t heartless. And that was the only thing that calmed the seas inside Anakin. Could he tell? That Anakin stared too long? Did he like it? Was Anakin being too touchy? Was Anakin being too distant? He overanalyzed himself at every turn, but those thoughts died when Obi-wan smiled at him.

“You only look calm when you do this, you know.” Obi-wan said softly one day, as he approached Anakin from behind his chair where he sat piloting their little ship. They were coming back from a little trade dispute, no issues, there and back again. Coruscant was right on the horizon when Obi-wan sat next to him. “You only look truly at peace when you pilot.”

“Is that a real compliment?” Anakin glanced over to him.

“It is to me.” He adjusted himself until his robe wrapped around him in his seat. “I admire that in you. But it also worries me sometimes.”

“Why?”

“Because your head is always running so fast, so far. And I can never catch up.” 

Anakin let himself glance over and stare a bit too long. “It’s not worth trying. I can’t even catch up.”

“I would like to. If you let me.” Obi-wan said.

Sarcastic laughter bubbled in his throat. “Even if I let you, I don’t know if you could.”

“I can feel your anxiety. When you let me.” Anakin felt Obi-wan drop his walls as he spoke. A wave of caring poured over him. “You’ve had me shut out for...nearly two years now, Anakin.” Obi-wan’s force signature poked at his own.

Anakin kept his walls tight. “I know. I’m...trying to feel safe.”

“From me?”

“From myself.”

Obi-wan’s loving gaze felt like salt rubbing into an acid burn. “You don’t have to do everything alone.”

“And if I do have to do something alone?”

“Then know that I’m right next to you, cheering you on the entire time.”

That only made his mind run more. Because Anakin imagined the conversation ending with a kiss, because Anakin could feel his signature begging to connect with Obi-wan’s. But instead he just changed the subject, the two men laughed together and then Obi-wan went silent and eventually fell asleep into his chair. 

His soul was sprinting.

Everything running in his mind laid into a heavy silence, though, when the troops landed on Felucia early one morning to stay and aid with a possible upcoming raid on the trade route. The jungle was hot but the planet was beautiful, and Anakin didn’t hate being here. Sometimes he despised the planets they visited, but Felucia was pleasant enough. Ahsoka, of course, loved it. Why wouldn’t she?

They started most of their days with strategy meetings with Commander Bly and Master Secura. They both worked so wonderfully together that even Obi-wan and Anakin were shocked. “It’s like they were made for each other.” Obi-wan joked one afternoon as him and Anakin walked along the perimeter of the base. Bly and Aayla were joking together as they walked twenty paces or so ahead, and Obi-wan seemed to enjoy watching them.

Anakin, meanwhile, _adored_ watching their interactions. They made him feel safe. They handed him more strength to relax around Obi-wan again, even in those moments where his ankle was on fire. “They basically _were_ made for each other. Look at their battle strategies. They basically fight like one single warrior.”

“You would think that Aayla had something to tell us.” Obi-wan said under his breath, teasing in his tone.

“You would think subtly was in order.” Anakin smirked.

Obi-wan elbowed him. “Don’t be so accusatory!”

“You were first!”

“I’ve earned the right to be accusatory.” He chuckled.

“And when will I earn the right?”

Obi-wan’s energy shifted. “Only those who are prepared for hands to turn should be the ones to point fingers.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “So, what? I should watch my back before making some jokes?”

“It wasn’t Senator Amidala’s, was it?”

Anakin froze. Obi-wan’s tone had been soft but Anakin was looking around desperately, counting his blessings and feeling hot red blush crawl over his skin. “Excuse me?” He hadn’t meant it to come out so bitterly, but Obi-wan seemed unphased.

“I’m simply asking a question.” He said. He was _too_ calm. “Your mark wasn’t hers. That’s why she doesn’t send for you anymore.”

“How _dare you_ -”

“Anakin.” His voice was firm. “I am not blind nor deaf nor stupid. You can say no. I do not judge you.”

Anakin couldn’t bring himself to answer. Instead he turned around, and simply walked off. He could feel Obi-wan try to follow him, but eventually he lost him and just went off alone to angrily stomp on a bright orange plant until it was shattered.

* * *

The sky was charred bright red with a painfully early jungle sunrise when Master Secura dragged Anakin out of his bed and sent him to grab Bly. Something had been caught on a radar, the com system was down and she didn’t have the time to find him herself. How convenient. 

He made sure to slam his fist on Ahsoka’s door before he left their hall. If he was going to suffer, so was she.

Half awake and barely functioning, Anakin rushed down to the troop’s quarters with blurry eyes. He cursed to himself and rubbed his face. It was too early for this shit. He could feel his annoyance boiling up through his blood. Or maybe it was his exhaustion. Either way, something was warming inside of him and it wasn’t the humidity. It was something weird. Like the feeling before your ship starts to make a sharp descent. 

“Commander!” Anakin shouted as he reached the troop’s halls. “Commander Bly!” He stumbled around until finally he could hear Rex’s voice mixed with Bly’s, laughing and bitching.

Anakin knocked and called out, entering without waiting. “Captain. Commander.”

“What are you doing down here?” Bly said, his voice surprisingly aggressive.

It certainly woke Anakin up. “I came to grab you for Master Secura.” His eyes fell to Bly’s chest, and there sat a mark. Anakin was about to start talking, but he froze. Because _there sat a mark._

Two interlocked rings. Black. Simple. Just two ovals, together. But they were on Bly’s chest, right over his heart, clear as day. And that was what caught Anakin’s off guard. The look on his face must have alerted Bly to his exposure and he instantly put up the emotional walls that were impossible for even his closest brothers to penetrate.

“Why’re you staring, then?” Bly cried, grabbing an undershirt from his things.

Anakin just stared at the interlocked rings dumbly.

“Come on then!”

“You had a-”

“Not all of us are markless.” Bly said gruffly. “But it certainly makes things easier for us that you all think that.” He grumbled to himself as he pulled on his underclothes.

“I just didn’t know-”

“Well, now you do.”

“I won’t say anything.” Anakin said quickly. “I promise. I…I don’t know what the Republic would do to try to keep troops in check. But if it’s like they do for the Jedi, it’s torture. And I don’t wish that upon anyone.”

“You’re being too candid, Skywalker.” Rex smirked. “Careful before someone hears you.”

“Do you have a mark?” Anakin turned and looked at Rex. “You...you can tell me.”

Rex shook his head. “No, I’m not that lucky.” He raised an eyebrow at Bly. “Speaking of lucky-“

“She’s fine.” Bly spoke with too much force. He glanced over at Anakin. “He doesn’t need details.”

But Anakin didn’t miss the glare between them. “You know your soulmate.” His eyes were wide in genuine awe. “What is it like?”

“I’m not talking about this.” He huffed and walked out of the room, leaving Rex and Anakin staring at each other.

“No spoilers.” Rex held his hands up in surrender. “I can’t say anything. Brotherhood.”

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise of you.” Anakin shrugged. “I get it.”

Ahsoka punched Anakin’s arm as she entered the room, panting a bit. “You know, if you’re going to wake up me, you could at least wait to tell me what’s going on!”

But she didn’t get an answer. And, in theory, neither did Anakin. Rex and Anakin both shared a look that assured Anakin of one thing: that Anakin wasn’t stupid, and that he would figure this out much too easily. And Rex didn’t discourage him. Rex pat him on the shoulder. The gesture wasn’t as comforting as Anakin hoped it would be.

That whole day was a rush of panic as everyone tried to figure out what tripped the radar. Everyone was told to stay alert, keep battle ready in case a fleet of droids descended on them any moment. That was easy for Anakin. He was more on edge now than ever. 

By the evening, it had started to rain. That at least meant that the jungle was going to be too dangerous for anyone with a brain to approach. The rain punched the windows of the base and made it impossible for anything new or exciting to get done. So Anakin sent Ahsoka on an early rest and he went to his room to do the same. You must lead by example, of course.

He curled up in his bed and buried himself in his covers. He nested himself in and closed his eyes and tried to chase down solid sleep. Every time he shut his eyes, though, the two circles on Bly’s chest were branded on the inside of his lids. 

It could have been hours. It could have been minutes. It could have even been a full day. All Anakin knew is that sleep didn't even give him a passing glance, and whatever hopes of reaching out to it were soiled when Obi-wan opened his door.

“Anakin?” His voice was soft.

He kept his eyes shut. He stilled his breathing. 

The door shut behind Obi-wan as he entered the room. His energy permeated the room. “You must be asleep then.” He said. His voice sounded so small. Anakin’s stomach flipped.

“I remember how you would rest against me on ship rides. You used to put yout head in my lap and I would run my fingers through your hair to calm you down. You would never let Ahsoka see. You thought it was embarrassing. You didn’t want to admit you had nightmares and you didn’t want Ahsoka to know that you couldn’t sleep on ships. You...haven’t done that in a while.” Anakin heard him move around a bit, pacing. “You used to come to me every single night. We would talk about how things went that day, how Ahsoka was doing. You used to laugh with me. A real laugh. I used to be able to _feel_ you laugh. Anakin...Anakin, I…” 

He went silent. Anakin could feel his signature screaming. He could hear Obi-wan’s breathing like the rain outside - steady and calming with an edge of melancholy. 

“You’re hiding from me, Anakin.” He started again. “I don’t know what I did to make you so frightened to talk with me, but I want you to know that I’m sorry. And I adore you.” Footsteps echoed in the room as Obi-wan moved closer. His warm hand brushed against Anakin’s cheek, and it took all of his control not to lean into it. He managed to be still while Obi-wan cupped his face and then pulled away.

“Dammit.” Obi-wan muttered. After a pause so long that it made Anakin itch, Obi-wan leaned in and very gently kissed his forehead. 

Then he left. The sound of the door closing behind him sliced like a guillotine.

Anakin burst into tears.

The next day, he was a ghost. He walked in a world turned upside down. He shivered in a damp jungle as he walked the border with Ahsoka, watching Bly and Aayla mark up a holomap a few meters in front of them. They would pause and point out into the jungle fog, nodding and encouraging each other, smiles flirting over their faces.

The realization hit Anakin, but he was too gone to react. He wasn’t able to be shocked or amazed or _deeply jealous._ He just looked at Ahsoka, who was blissfully unaware of the hellfire in his head, and smiled. “Your birthday is coming up.”

She shrugged. “Not the one that matters.”

“Eighteen is still good. Especially with the level of training you’ve been at. You’re ahead of your class.”

“Just like you. But better.” She crossed her arms and smirked mischievously.

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. Whatever. Don’t get ahead of yourself.” He threw his arm around her shoulders and kept walking. “When I was around your age, Kenobi gave me a whole lecture about adulthood and maturity and responsibility. I’m not going to bore you that hard.”

“Thank the stars.”

“But I will tell you one thing.” Anakin said. “I just want you to know that...you can tell me anything. You can tell me anything you want to. And no matter how old and crusty I might get, I’ll always be there to help you.” 

* * *

“I can’t believe the power went out.” Aayla said, her voice pitched from stress. “Wrench!” She reached behind her and Anakin passed her the tool. 

He leaned against the console she was under, and he sighed. “Yeah. Unfortunate. And a little suspicious.”

“Kenobi, Rex and Bly are on it. Don’t focus on that part of it. It’ll end up distracting you.” She let out a frustrated groan and threw the wrench behind her. “This is fried. Where is QT?”

“With Bly.”

“Dammit.” She slid out from under the console and sat back on her heels. “Would you be able to look? I’m usually so much better than this, I just can’t seem to-”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He was already on his knees and crawling under to get tangled in the wires. “And you are one hundred percent sure that the rain didn’t knock it out?”

“No, because it hasn’t before!” Anakin heard her grab some kind of tool before heading over to the other side of the room.

After a bit too long for Anakin’s liking, the lights above them started to flicker. “I got _something_ working!”

“Kriff me.” Aayla muttered. And a moment later, the different comsystems and radars around them started to flicker as well. “Same.”

“Should I go check the rest of the base?” Anakin slid out from under the console and stood up, brushing himself off. 

Aayla continued to stand over the panel she was fiddling with. “That would be lovely.” She nodded.

Before he made it out, though, he paused. And a rush of courage hit him in the gut. He turned around and pointed to Aayla’s back. “Can I actually talk to you for a second?”

“I am a little busy. But I can talk later.” She jumped back as a spark from the panel shocked her finger.

“But everyone will be back later!”

“So?”

“Master Secura…” Anakin’s voice trailed off. “What if...what if I told you I’m like you?”

She paused. “What do you mean?”

“What if...I know who has my mark.” He said each word deliberately. He wasn’t trying to hide anything. _I know your secret and I want you to know mine._

She didn’t turn around, but she nodded slowly and set her tool down. “Who?”

“Master Kenobi.”

She seemed to consider that for a moment. “And he doesn’t know you know, does he?”

“No.”

“Are you hiding it well or did you change it?”

“Changed it.”

“Expensive.” 

“Necessary.”

Aayla finally turned around and crossed her arms. She leaned against the control table. “And why are you telling me?”

“Because we have similar situations. And something is comforting about not being alone anymore.”

“You weren’t made to be alone.” She said. “None of us marked folk are. That’s why the marks are here.”

“Why is he okay being alone, then? Why is he so okay not knowing?” He said. He fought tears from coming into his eyes. He didn’t want to cry in front of her. 

“He keeps asking me about how to connect with you again.” She said. She brushed one of her lekku over her shoulder and shook her head. “It all makes sense now. He keeps acting like he lost a limb whenever you don’t talk to him.”

“That doesn’t answer my question!” Anakin said. “Why is he so okay with not knowing?”

“He chose duty over his mark. And that’s respectable. But it’s not enough for me.” Her voice was softening. 

“Why?”

“Love is natural.” She said. She had switched from defensive to sympathetic, and it almost enraged Anakin that he was being pitied.

“Love is making it impossible for me to function, Master Secura.”

“No.” She shook her head sternly. “Love isn’t doing that. Your secret is.”

That evening, Anakin sat next to Obi-wan as they cleaned their boots in silence. They washed the jungle down the drain, and Anakin imagined himself swirling down with all of the grime. He looked up, turned to Obi-wan, and studied his profile. His bone structure was so strong it reminded Anakin of statues he had seen on other planets. If he cared about art at all, he could probably say something amazing about it.

Obi-wan finished before him and carried his boots to the door. “Make sure not to dry them outside, Anakin.” He said as he walked to the door. “It might rain again. This jungle weather is unpredictable and-”

“I have something to tell you.” Anakin’s voice burst out in a painful bark.

Obi-wan turned around, his eyes brighter than they had been for a while. He smiled eagerly, all the warmth in the galaxy flowing. He didn’t even try to hide the raw joy that came from the idea of Anakin sharing something with him. He nodded. “Yes? What is it?”

“I…” The steam was gone. Obi-wan’s smile was too perfect. “I’m tired. We can talk about it in the morning. Good night.”

His face fell. But he nodded and took it graciously. “Good night.” And he left.

* * *

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Obi-wan looked around and held his chin in his hands.

“It seems too easy.” Anakin scanned around the field with his eyes narrowed into calculating slits. The clearing in the Felcuian jungle was empty, spare a few stray dead drones. The assault on the base had been quick and easily subdued, two things which usually weren’t true of a Separatist attack. Even Ahsoka seemed a little bored, and she was the first to stay on her toes and be eager to fight. 

Aayla appeared on the other side of Obi-wan. Sweat pooled on her collarbones. “I’m going to take some soldiers to do a loop for a few miles. Try to sneak up on a possible sneak attack.”

“Be safe!” Ahsoka called from the other side of Anakin.

“We’ll stay here.” Anakin said. “We’re going to make sure nothing weird is happening.”

And as soon as he said that, a soft trill of a droid started to sound. All heads turned to the far side of the battlefield. Obi-wan shifted his eyes over to Aayla, then Anakin. All three of the Jedi masters froze and reached out their signatures.

Ahsoka was the first to react, regrettably. She ignited her saber and walked without fear towards the sound.

“Padawan Tano!” Aayla cried out. “Get back here!”

“Hold on!” She responded.

“Snips!” Anakin shouted, taking a few steps forward. “Get away from there!”

Ahsoka stopped and kneeled by a fallen battle droid. “That’s weird. It’s coming from here!”

Then Anakin watched a droideka nearby start to light up.

“Ahsoka!” He shouted. He ran, full speed, no hesitation. And then one of the droid bodies on the ground exploded right under his feet and sent him flying. And another one. And another one. A series of mines hidden in fallen droidekas, one by one by one, shook the ground where Anakin lay. The bright note of metallic copper flooded his mouth. He couldn’t feel his leg, but he could feel the heat of fire on his clothes that ran up his body.

The pain was all he knew. It glued his eyes shut. And when he finally opened them again, Obi-wan was carrying him over his shoulder towards the base. His head hung loose, watching the ground pass by him, feeling the adrenaline starting to peak inside of his chest. It made him nauseous.

Anakin faded in and out of consciousness. But he was forced back into his body when Obi-wan threw him onto a medbay bed. Obi-wan straightened Anakin on the bed, wincing as Anakin let out a loud scream of anguish.

“Cut his pants off!” Obi-wan pointed at Ahsoka, and she didn’t hesitate. She started to rummage through some cabinets in the room as Anakin gripped the sheets under him so tightly they tore. Sweat made his hair stick to his forehead and he dared to look down.

There was his boot, melted and burnt to unrecognizable shreds. And there were his pants, in the same state. Ahsoka cut the pants off at Anakin’s thigh and gagged while pulling strips of rubber and leather off of Anakin’s calf. With every moment, he grit his teeth and screamed through them. It was a miracle he didn’t bite off his tongue.

He started to wiggle in pain and panic, kicking his other leg and thrashing his arms, because now Ahsoka was standing there and staring at his calf. And every time he glanced down and tried to look at the mark on his leg, sirens went off in his mind. Because everything was ruined.

“Stay still, Anakin. I know it hurts.” Obi-wan clutched onto his shoulder and leaned in close. “Look at me. Focus on me.”

But Anakin was too busy sobbing. Because the look on Ahsoka’s face as she stared at his ankle, then at Obi-wan, then at his ankle said it all. She wasn’t stupid. She was extremely smart, with the memory of a fresh droid.

The tattoo had burnt away with his skin. Tattoos only go so deep - and a third degree burn from such an explosion would get rid of anything. But marks. Marks were in your DNA. Your muscles. Your veins. Your very atoms. They never leave. And there it was, clear as day, black lines over bubbled crumpled skin, layers and layers deep. 

A star. A burnt star.

“Master…” Ahsoka said quietly. “Um…”

“Not now, padawan.” Obi-wan answered for Anakin. His voice was controlled. “I need you to hurry the med droid. He needs attention now.”

“His mark-”

“Ahsoka, it would do you well to listen to me-” Obi-wan whipped his head around to discipline her but his voice stopped dead when he looked at Anakin’s leg. The room went quiet except for the sounds of the medical equipment and the stifled sobs of the man on the table.

When both of them turned to Anakin, he turned away with shame. “I...I had to.” was all he managed to stutter out between his broken breathing.

“What did you _do?”_ Ahsoka looked like she wanted to ask more things but Obi-wan raised his hand and shooed her out of the room.

“Leave us.”

When she was gone, he looked at Anakin with a classic unreadable look. “Dear one.” Obi-wan’s voice was so soft, so gentle. “You have to calm down.”

And it only made Anakin cry harder. “Fuck off.”

“Come now, you’re going to hurt yourself more if you make yourself sick.”

“Just tell me you hate me and get it over with so I can kriffing get on with my life!” He cried. Obi-wan took a step back from the shock, and Anakin used that opportunity to turn and throw himself back onto his bed and bury his face into his hands.

“Anakin.” His voice was so caring. It was the same voice he would use to congratulate him. It was the same voice he would use to console him. It felt like mockery. But he didn’t relent. “Anakin, please. Breathe. I want to...I...It’s not every day you get to meet your soulmate. It would be a shame if you cried through it.”

The fact that Obi-wan jumped over the possibility of anger, of disgust, of resentment and went straight to love and care? It made Anakin sick. “How are you being so nice to me?” He managed to sob out, lifting his head up just barely so. “I...I lied to you! I mutilated my mark! I ruined your life!”

Obi-wan didn’t say a single word back. Instead, he hugged him. He wrapped his arms, steady and strong, around Anakin and lifted his bruised body with care. He pulled him close, till Anakin’s head was buried in his chest and he kissed the top of Anakin’s head, matted with dirt and stray blood. 

And Anakin cried in his arms until the med droid finally arrived and injected his side with a sedative. His last memory was Obi-wan whispering unintelligible sweet nothings, right into his hair.

* * *

Anakin woke up with a start. For some reason, waking up in the medbay was a shock. He was half convinced he would wake up in a cell for lying to the council so brazenly for so long. The white lights of the room burned his dry eyes. His mouth felt like the sands of his home planet. And his body was so sore that the idea of moving made him reconsider what it meant to be alive.

He looked around and his eyes eventually landed on Obi-wan, who was sitting in a seat in the corner, staring off into the unknown. He looked so serene, full of repose and honor. Anakin felt a blush of shame creeping over him. “Why are you here still?”

Obi-wan snapped back to the present and raised his eyebrows. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“I can’t fathom why you’re here. You should’ve gone. You should be angry. You should be getting me in trouble.”

Obi-wan shook his head. “No, no. Stop with that.” He crossed his arms and settled into his seat. “Now settle down before they have to sedate you again.” 

The tone of his voice placated Anakin. He clenched his jaw and looked down at his feet. He looked back up and his eyes met Obi-wan’s, and he froze like a scared animal.

Anakin sat quietly for a moment and the two men just stared into each other’s eyes. The planet seemed to stop rotating as they both sat still. In their own silent way, they both communicated. And Obi-wan’s eyes assured Anakin that he was safe. He was very, very safe. And Anakin remembered that he has nothing to lose anymore. So, bit by bit, Anakin started to lower his walls and open his signature. Obi-wan’s welcomed his. Anakin felt them intertwining for the first time in years and the release of pent up energy nearly made him dizzy.

He felt Obi-wan share his emotions. Anakin saw his pain, his hurt, his emptiness. And then his joy, whenever Anakin was around. His completion, whenever Anakin talked to him. He felt the tingles that ran up Obi-wan’s arms whenever they touched. He felt the love, the raw and painful and primal and destructive _love_ that burned a hole through Obi-wan’s chest whenever their eyes would meet.

The first time his bond with Obi-wan was felt, he was young. And crying. And he remembered how good it felt to have someone to support him on a universal level. And that same relief flowed through him, but in a different way. A more mature way.

Obi-wan shifted in his seat and broke the silence. “I’m not leaving your side right now, Anakin.”

“Because I’m your soulmate.” Anakin managed to summon a cocky smile.

Obi-wan rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes. Something like that.” A small smile settled on his face, hidden by his hand resting by his chin.

“What happened to effort and time?”

“Pardon?”

“Didn’t you tell me a soulmate wasn’t the same as a relationship built on effort and time?”

“Effort and time need motivation, I must admit.” Obi-wan said. “I would have put in the effort and time, no matter what your mark had been. This just makes it easier for me to stop being a coward, I suppose. And this gives us a reason to actually talk about it. Otherwise it would have sat in the dirt.”

“Maybe that’s the point of the mark. A talking point.” Anakin winced as he shifted his weight. 

“Plus, I feel like I put in my effort and time.” Obi-wan managed to chuckle a bit.

Anakin found himself on the verge of laughter, but reality squashed it. “What do we do?”

Obi-wan shook his head. “I don’t have any right answers, dear one.” That made Anakin’s spine tingle. “I just know the answer my heart wants. And I know the answer that the council will give us.”

“And I know that we’re fucked.” Anakin flopped back down on the bed and winced.

Obi-wan raised to his feet and started to walk over to the bed. “You need to be more careful. You’re in a bad position.”

“Why? Because I’m going to get banished to a far off planet and thrown out of the Jedi forever?” He tried to adjust his legs but he couldn’t feel his marked one.

“Because you’re going to need major surgery.” Obi-wan looked over him, from head to toe. “You poor thing.”

“Master Kenobi!” A familiar voice sounded through the room and made guilt start to scream in Anakin’s head.

Ahsoka stood in the doorway. “The bone is broken.” Her eyes shifted between the two men. “The bone is broken and Master Skywalker...you don’t have, like, any muscle there anymore. I’ve been worried sick but Master Secura-”

“Aayla is being a good friend to us.” Obi-wan said, nodding. “And you’ll be patched up before going back to Coruscant.” He looked down to Anakin’s leg. “And you will be fully taken care of.”

Ahsoka dared to walk a bit closer. “Everyone is okay, by the way. Everyone else is fine.” She leaned over the bed and looked down at Anakin’s leg. “That looks really bad.”

“It feels bad, too.”

She started to nod, over and over. “Yeah, I bet.” She seemed smaller than usual, finally looking and acting her age. She was a lost little girl. And she was scared. Anakin wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything would be okay and he’s okay. But he couldn’t be sure. And he couldn’t risk lying to her again.

The shame would scar him forever, much longer than the burn.

Obi-wan put his hand on her shoulder. “Ahsoka, let’s talk this evening. Alright?”

Ahsoka looked up at him and nodded. “Okay. Alright.”

They were interrupted by the med droid, floating in with tools ready in it’s cold metal hands. “I am here to check on the patient.” It’s voice was grating. It floated towards the bed. Ahsoka and Obi-wan both stepped back.

“Is everything moving along fine?” asked Obi-wan as the droid used a scanner to check Anakin’s vitals and look over the leg.

“We have an update on the treatment plan.” The droid said.

“Alright then.” Obi-wan sighed.

“The leg will have to be amputated. We can not save the muscle.” The med droid turned to Obi-wan and motioned to the door. “Please, leave the room. You can visit when the surgery is complete.”

“Right now?!” Ahsoka cried.

“Right now?” Obi-wan’s eyebrows raised. “Ahsoka, please leave the room.” She started to back away and Obi-wan turned back to Anakin. “Everything is okay.”

“Wait! I don’t want them to go!” Anakin cried and pushed himself up on his hands.

“It is not sanitary to keep another being present.” It turned to Obi-wan again. “Please, leave the room. You can visit when the surgery is complete.”

“I’m going to lose my _leg?”_ Anakin cried out again.

“It will be replaced by a prosthetic.” The med droid looked at Obi-wan still standing there. “Please, leave the room. You can visit when-”

Obi-wan leaned down to Anakin and brushed his lips against Anakin’s ear. “I’ll be back. I promise you. I’m not going anywhere.”

* * *

He awoke on Coruscant. It must have been days later, but the sedative made it feel like only moments. It also made his skin feel like rubber and his vision blurry, which didn’t help his panic as he moved around and felt a heavy prosthetic where his leg should be. He breathed slowly and lay still. 

This was real. This was happening.

He pushed himself onto his palms and looked around. He was in a med bay room and - again, much to his surprise - he wasn’t restrained or chained or in any form of punishment. But his leg was certainly gone.

His hospital gown fell to the middle of his thighs and showed both of his tan legs. His right leg was a little burnt but was here. But his left leg ended at the knee, and a silver metallic piece was in its place. Similar to his hand, his prosthetic separated into the little bones of his feet. 

He looked up at the sound of the door opening.

“Good! You’re up!” Ahsoka grinned as she walked in. “I’ve been checking on you, like, a million times a day.”

Seeing her made his entire mood shift. “Hey, Snips.” He shot her an exhausted smile.

“You know, you snore _really_ loud.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Glad to know you enjoyed your visits.”

“Obi-wan’s been visiting all the time too. He didn’t leave your side at all on the way back from Felucia.” She motioned at his feet and Anakin moved his legs away to welcome her to sit on the end of his bed. She jumped up and got comfortable. “Some of the Med Corps guys said the pain would be gone by now.”

“It’s true. Now I just feel like I got hit by a speeder.”

“Or blown up.”

“Or blown up.” He sighed. “How are you doing?”

Her eyebrow cocked. “I didn’t get blown up.”

Anakin shrugged. “But your world did get a little rocked. It’s never easy to see your master go down.”

Her arms crossed over her chest and she shrugged. Her energy changed to be much more guarded. “Yeah. That wasn’t fun.”

“But hey.” He mustered a bigger smile for her. “I’m here. Ready to annoy you for another few years.”

She didn’t respond. And Anakin knew why.

“Ahsoka.” His voice went soft. “I know what you’re thinking about.”

Ahsoka dug in her pocket and she passed a silver cord to Anakin. “I got it. Before they threw it away. I saved it for you.” Her voice was low.

He took it from her and held it tight in his hand. “Thank you. This gift means a lot to me.”

“Master Skywalker?” She didn’t look at him. “Are you...Is everything going to be okay?”

He looked down at his leg, next to her hip. He nodded slowly. “Yes. No matter what happens. Everything will be fine.”

“You lied to me.” 

His chest hurt. “Yes. I did. And...I’m deeply sorry, Ahsoka.”

“Skyguy...” Ahsoka said. She turned to him and her big eyes were full with fear. “I need you to tell me the truth.”

“Okay.”

“What’s going to happen with the mark?” She glanced at his mechanical foot.

“I can’t tell you everything. Maybe one day, but not now. But I can ask you something.” He sat up further in his bed. “Do you trust me?”

She nodded.

“Then trust me.”

She nodded, assuring herself more than Anakin, and then shot him a playful smirk. “Did you know you’re technically closer to being like Grievous now? With all the robot parts?”

“I can still chase you down and put you on dish duty.” He pointed at her and she started to giggle. He leaned forward to put a hand on her shoulder. “You’re my number one, young padawan. You know you can always come to me for anything. And I swear I’m never going to do anything to hurt you. I’m not going to screw you over like that.”

“I kriffing hope not.” She muttered.

He scoffed. “Language!”

“You can’t ‘language’ me when I learn all the language from you!”

“Are we interrupting something?” The doors to the room opened and there was Mace Windu with Yoda down on the ground next to him, leaning on his cane. 

Ahsoka straightened up and jumped off the bed. “Master Windu. Master Yoda.” She bowed her head.

“Good morning, Padawan Tano.” He gave her a nod before turning to Anakin. “Good morning, Skywalker.” Mace said. Obi-wan stepped out of the doorway and stood right next to him, arms crossed in front of him. He gave Anakin a slow nod.

Ahsoka stood back to allow everyone into the room and close to Anakin’s bed.

“Feeling better, are you?” Yoda said as he clasped his hands onto the top of his cane. 

Anakin nodded and scooted himself down the bed. “Yes, Master Yoda. I am. Tired. But at least I’m here.”

“That’s a good attitude to have.” Mace nodded.

Obi-wan raised a hand to his chin. “Have you tried to walk on it?” 

And with those words, everyone’s eyes were on Anakin. He had an audience to impress. 

Of course.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed. The weight was certainly going to take a while to get used to. But as he rolled his ankle, he nodded his head and was impressed. The joint moved well. He wiggled his toes. Full movement. That was also good. Really good. He expected worse. As Anakin stood up, he stretched it out. It felt good. It almost felt stronger than his other leg. 

“It’s tragic you lost your mark, Skywalker.” Mace said, putting his hands on his hips. “But the image will always be in the temple database if you feel the need to look at it. And we have healing support if it starts to affect your mind and heart.”

Realization sparked in his mind. And he turned to Obi-wan. “Wait...my mark is gone? Forever?”

Yoda hobbled over and nodded. “Save your mark, we could not. We did not even see how damaged the skin was. But unsalvageable, it was. Let this grant you peace.”

Anakin nodded and shifted his weight in his feet. “Okay...That’s…”

“A very hard thing to go through.” Obi-wan said. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t have helped more.”

“Like I said.” Mace said. “We can help you as much as we can. We understand, even with the Codes rules, that a mark is important to someone’s identity. It’s a part of you. And we will support you during this transition.”

“And I’m happy to help you run drills on the next leg.” Obi-wan said. He flashed Anakin a _look -_ and Anakin exhaled. It was the first real exhale he had done since before his twenty-first birthday.

His mark was gone. And he could breathe.

And he could do it all with Obi-wan.

The next morning, he was discharged by the Med Corps workers. He was brought his robes and he dressed himself. It felt nice to get dressed, to act as a person, and the movement helped the frost thaw off his bones. He smoothed down his fabric, and smiled to himself. 

Alright. This is okay. 

He looked in the mirror over the fresher sink and smoothed out his hair. He looked over himself and was pleasantly surprised to find that not much was different. The only thing that really changed was that his skin was a bit paler, and his face was a bit more relaxed.

He sat on the edge of his bed and looked at his boots. Before pulling them on, though, he pulled out the silver cord. He took a moment to admire it, and he made a mental note to find a way to get one for Ahsoka’s twenty-first birthday.

Just three years until then. The idea made his heart race. He refused to let what happened to him happen to her. She was his padawan - his sister, if in feeling alone. And he wouldn’t allow her to cut herself off. He would be there, every step of the way. And he wouldn’t fail her - or Obi-wan - again.

He tied Ahsoka’s anklet around the silver metal and exposed wiring of his left calf. It still fit perfectly, and it still glimmered whenever the light hit it just right. He took a moment to enjoy it before pulling down his pant leg and pulling up his boot. Just like his arm, moving felt natural after a bit. And just like his arm, he would feel stiff in the morning and he would feel creaky in bad weather. It was a comfort, in a small way.

But a comfort in a big way was Obi-wan, waiting with tea outside of his med room, smiling his large loving smile. The image was something out of a dream. It was enough to tempt tears from Anakin’s eyes. But not today. Today was to be happy, and he would not cry. He wouldn’t cry again for a long time. 

Anakin took his cup out of Obi-wan’s hand, nodding in thanks and taking a long sip. 

“Welcome back to the real world.” Obi-wan said, drinking his own.

“This tastes amazing. I forgot how terrible the medbay food is.” Anakin greedily sipped at his tea. 

Obi-wan grimaced. “All of that powder. It’s uncivilized.”

“It’s shit.” Anakin said.

Obi-wan glanced around, his blue eyes shifting. When he deemed the coast clear, he reached out and brushed a hand across Anakin’s cheek. “It’s nice to see you up. You have color in your cheeks again.”

“It’s nice to see you. Like in general.” 

Their signatures reached out and mixed together. Subdued, nervous. Like a chaste moment of holding hands. But Obi-wan and Anakin both felt the endless relief of _being together again._

“We’re the luckiest people in the galaxy. You know that, right?” Anakin said. He couldn’t hide his chuckle of disbelief. “Like this was…”

“A gift. And I don’t intend on wasting it, if you will allow me.” Obi-wan said. 

“I already wasted a few years.” He looked down at the tea. “So I won’t do anything to stop you.”

“But will you meet me halfway? Or are you going to leave me chasing you like a lovesick fool?” He smirked.

Anakin lowered his cup. His crystal blue eyes met Obi-wan’s navy pools, and with newfound courage and joy he leaned forward and kissed Obi-wan’s lips. It was quick, it was rushed. Anakin pulled back just as fast as he leaned in and looked away while clearing his throat. “Does, um...does that count?”

Obi-wan burst out laughing. “Yes. Yes, Anakin, that counts.” He shook his head from the ridiculousness of it all. But Anakin didn’t miss the light blush or the smile lines by his eyes.

They both finished their tea as they walked towards the Jedi quarters, with the bright Coruscant sun gracing their skin. It was quiet, empty. Peaceful. “Where are Aayla and Bly?” Anakin asked as they walked.

“Back on Felucia. Doing a wonderful job together.” 

“I hope they stay safe.” 

Obi-wan nodded. “They will. And we will be, too.” He stopped walking to look out the window at the bright blue sky and the buzzed traffic of Coruscant. “You’re safe now, Anakin.” He looked at Anakin and smiled at him. “You can stop worrying so much.” Shadows pooled on his skin and carved out his cheekbones.

“I don’t think I can ever stop worrying.” Anakin’s eyes traced over Obi-wan’s face, and he tried to convince himself that this wasn’t temporary. He shifted around his feet. He felt the weight of the metal.

Obi-wan reached out and put his hand on Anakin’s shoulder, and his signature wrapped itself around Anakin’s. “Then I’ll worry with you.” And Anakin could tell from the look on his face that this moment was something he had been waiting for. Obi-wan had wanted this moment for so long. 

Anakin smiled at him. And his shoulders relaxed. And his signature curled up with Obi-wan’s. “Fine. Let’s worry together.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr is des-nuages-de-paris if you want more! :)


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